It is June, traditionally wedding month so I thought a story and writing my opinions on wedding celebrations would be appropriate.  I think friends’ and close relations’ weddings are special and treat them as such, after all I am bearing witness to the start of a couple’s new life together: I give thoughtful and useful gifts that can help the couple start their new life, I dress appropriately and while at the wedding, I am friendly and courteous to everyone there - a good guest.

Ideally a wedding celebration is the way the new couple shares their joy with others.  Unfortunately, a lot of weddings are not about that.  I have been to many where guests were invited only because they were able to give lavish gifts or because the couple felt obligated to invite these people.  In my opinion, a wedding celebration should be comprised of the couple and only the people that know and appreciate the couple and that the couple truly cherish.  A wedding celebration can cost a lot of money (for both the couple and their guests) and the marriage contract too important for it to be otherwise.

I went to a number of weddings and receptions in the past few years, two stand out in my mind.  One was absolutely wonderful and the other truly awful for me.  The first was my good friend’s wedding, the wonderful one.  It was such because the couple emphasized that the celebration was not just for them but for the guests as well, stating that it was “not only our celebration, but yours, too” on the invites.  And they truly made it an awesome occasion for everyone there.  Firstly, the invite list was very small, 30 people, the couple’s closest friends and family, only.  In fact, no dates were allowed, no one the couple didn’t know or didn’t know well.  Their budget of $30,000.00 was spent mostly on food and entertainment, in short, on the guests.  They really wanted the guests to feel welcome and appreciated and loved.  It worked!  Unlike so many weddings I’ve been to, at this one, everyone knew and liked each other there, everyone wanted to be there.  No one was left alone and talking to no one or felt they were only invited for their gift.  In fact, the couple emphasized that no one was to bring any gifts!  The dress code was set as loose and emphasized that no one should feel that they had to dress expensively or have to buy a new outfit.  Our presence was good enough.  As it turns out, everyone looked great, wanting to be sure they were at their best for their friends’ wedding.  Everyone had a grand time.  It was the most fun matrimonial occasion I had ever been to and I will remember and cherish it always.

As a sharp contrast, the second one, my boyfriend’s friend’s wedding, had a big invite list where many people didn’t know one another.  I talked to several guests and many said they were surprised to be invited as they had lost touch with the couple for many years.  Many looked bored and ill-at-ease at the reception.  It seemed like the couple scrimped on the venue (which was too small, had no windows, didn’t have enough parking or seating for the guests and had no easily-accessible bathroom) and the food (not enough for everyone as they served finger food at an hour when dinner was expected).  There was no photographer recording the event, no music to dance to or in the background, which I thought odd.  There was a too-long slideshow, though, for our entertainment: pictures of the couple on their many trips abroad to luxury destinations.  It seemed that the wedding celebration was more of a “you’re here to watch us get married so give us a gift” rather than a “we’re getting married and we’d love to have you help us celebrate” type of deal.  Many people were hungry and upset, many left early and one woman left with her gift in tow.  I had bought a thoughtful gift and a new dress (since the invite said to dress formally) and regretted I had spent the cash and made the effort to even show up.  I was sorely disappointed in the bride after that because I knew she had the money to spend and had been planning it for months stating she had the venue she wanted, the menu in order, etc, way in advance.  I felt she was greedy and used the wedding to show off and to get gifts.  It was the worst wedding ever.

I’m not sure what the moral of this post might be, but I do know that I will be declining invites to weddings if I feel the couple has ulterior motives for celebrating and asking me to come.  They are just not worth my time and frankly, too expensive for me to attend.

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