Some of you may have their gift and shopping list prepped already, and you may have a minimum and maximum amount of cash you want to spend per gift and an idea of what to get the people on your list; I know I do. But I do have a friend that I always have a hard time shopping for.
I have known my friend (let’s call her Annie) for many years. Annie has become one of my best friends and we have always exchanged Christmas gifts. Everything was fine in the gift-giving department until the year I started my own business and had to slash my gift budget dramatically. I still gave Annie a very thoughtful gift that year (as I still do to this day) but I noticed that when she tore the wrapping from it, she was not happy.
Up until that time, Annie had always given all her friends the same or similar gifts each year. But after that one gift incident, I have noticed that the quality of her gifts to me has gone down. The first year I noticed that she gave all her friends a necklace except for me, I got a bracelet. The year after that, I again got an inferior gift compared to our other friends. And each year thereafter, it’s been worse and worse. One time I got a bag of candy from a grocery store.
I believe she does this because I cannot afford to budget as much on her gifts (and everyone else’s) as I used to and she feels that she shouldn’t have to shell out as much cash for my gifts either. I never thought to compare budgets with friends before this but maybe in her case I should? I have always based gift-giving to friends on my budget, not theirs, and what each individual would appreciate. I feel insulted and hurt by Annie’s actions, maybe I should stop giving her gifts altogether? Because why bother to give a gift to a friend if it is not sincere and heartfelt?
So dear readers, what are your gift-giving rules? Do you only give a gift if you expect one back? Do you budget according to what the other person’s budget is? Do you have a similar budget for all your friends? I’d really like to know!
Hi Margarita. This is a tough one, because I think everyone has a different opinion of gift giving. For instance I was trained by my British mother to give someone a very small gift (not necessarily a thoughtless one, but inexpensive), if I had never exchanged gifts with that person before, or if that person gave me a small gift. The reason: Not to punish the person, but so they would not feel “obligated” to get me a big gift in the future if they could not afford it!!! I actually enjoy choosing a gift I know someone will love, but one time I was exchanging gifts with a friend for the first time, I got her a little cute planner and she bought me a set of crystal wineglasses and pitcher!!! I think she was offended, as she asked “You didn’t just run out and get it today, did you?” We never exchanged gifts again (we drifted apart a bit anyway.) It’s obviously easier if one can talk about it openly with friends/family so these misunderstandings don’t occur. For instance, I have arranged with everyone not to exchange Xmas gifts with everyone anymore so we don’t all go broke at that time of year!!! We hold a “gift draw” in my family so we just buy for one person (we still get individual gifts for the kids in the family). Otherwise, for birthdays etc, I usually set about a $25-30 spending limit for gifts for close friends and family so that I can get something nice without over-spending. BTW, I remember one year I got you a box of Milk Duds (knowing your addiction) but I’m pretty sure that was a secondary “gag” present!!!! So I hope it’s not me in that story! Cheers, Julianne
LOL, nope, J, that was not you I was talking about. I remember the milk duds and the “real” gift that came with it. I loved both, BTW.
No, my beef with Annie is that she seems to have become a real unthoughtful gift-giver after I had to slash my gift budget that one year. And more than unthoughtful, it seems like she was treating me as a less of an important friend than her other friends (especially that one year when everyone got a necklace and the got the lesser gift - the bracelet) at least when it comes to gifts.
I think that if you’re going to give similar gifts to all your girlfriends you should not single the broke friend out by giving her a lesser gift than the others even if she cannot afford to get you a gift as good as the gifts you are giving out.
Okay that’s good to know I wasn’t the “bag of candy” gift-giver.
I agree that giving your broke friend the lesser gift isn’t the way to go — especially if you’re giving everyone the gifts at the same time or if people know what everyone else got. My point is that she may have been buying you something smaller so you didn’t feel obligated to spend more on her gift too. It may not have been an intentional slight, so it’s always a good idea to check (if not always easy to bring up something like that). Of course, if her gifts seem unthoughtful that may well be true, also…. BTW great to see you at the Bonsor craft fair. I ended up picking up that stamp box for my s-in-law as well as the jewelry I bought from you — so that’s two great gifts found at the craft fair today.
Julianne